عشق در يك بعد از ظهر برفى - Love on a snowy afternoon

مينوشم هر جرعه ى با تو بودن 

مى شمارم هر نفس پر حرارتت را

ميرقصم با هر تپش قلبى كه

به شوق و شور و نياز رسيدن 

به آهنگ هوس نهفته در نگاه 

به ترس گذر از مرز رسوايى

ميتپد افسار گسيخته

ميتپد ديوانه وار

بى قرار در سينه ى تو

پر شرر در آغوش من

در يك بعد از ظهر برفى

I drink every sip of our togetherness 

and count every burning breath

I dance with each beat of your heart

that beats 

on passion and longing

on the yearning hidden in every glimpse

on the fear of infatuation revealed

that beats restlessly, unbridled

in your chest

flaring with compassion

in my arms

on a snowy afternoon.

Love, making love on a snowy afternoon

عشق بازى، عشق در يك بعد از ظهر برفى

Forty

Forty days ago you simply flew away,
Forty words describe my utter disarray
My constitution fell apart my beliefs swayed,
My child within froze, forgot how to play
Forty teardrops falling, forty sighs in despair
Forty times I screamed
"Goodbye"

FOOFARAW

Its ok, I am fine,
just a little heartbroken thats all
just a little dizziness in the head
just a little numbness in the left hand

Its ok, I am ok
just a bit confused, but thats just me
just a bit left out, but thats just a fuss
just a bit broken it happens to everyone

          This is a nagging moment
          This is a small complaint

                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw

I can never argue with someone who is always right
I can’t question the logic even if its as dark as night
I am ready to explode inside my yearning brain
but I do it privately to avoid a wasteful fight.

          This is a nagging moment
          This is a small complaint

                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw

Its ok if you are fine
Its always my fault, yes, I now understand
Its never what it seems, I have to comprehend
Some call it betrayal, but who are they to command?

Its ok, don’t you worry
I always come back home,
the one who embrace the shame
I always take the blame

          This is a nagging moment
          This is a small complaint

                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw
                    This is just a foofaraw

Payman Abdali
July 8th, 2014

dactylogram

how do I describe my feelings?
mixed, sinusoidal, suicidal
empty, filled, none
I don’t believe in magic
as John may have said
neither in Jesus nor in miracles
chance maybe

redirection in every aspect
redesign in every corner
rethink in every word
rewrite every belief
is there any?

floating and drinking
complaining and mocking myself
and every synthetic smile around
every fake gesture
every lie
hover over the cloud
of the purple haze of my mind

I found myself alone,
in the lonely heat of Tehran
lost and lonely

just like the moment before the tunnel

Payman
July 1st, 2014

Unconditional Love

Is there a pure definition of love?

Is there a pure definition of anything?
Why do we set conditions and conditions
And research those conditions when
Love is just there.


Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love

Without fear, is there love at all?
Without feelings, is there love at all?
Without need, is there love at all?
Without wanting, wanting, wanting 
Is there love at all?

Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love.

Without fear, is there love at all?
Without hurting, is there love at all?

Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love.

Do we have to set conditions on everything?
Can’t we just accept “what is” is?

Without hope, is there love at all?
Without healing, is there love at all?
Without a smile, is there love at all?
Without fantasy, fantasy, fantasy
Is there love at all?

Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love.

Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love.

Conditions, conditions
The source of our decisions
Conditions, conditions
The need for our decisions
Conditions, conditions but
The core of our religion is love.

And that is all.

Payman Abdali

Insomnia

Oh how I wish to forget some memories,
The ones that scrape the heart,
The ones that scar for life,
The ones that made me a fool,
The ones I didn't learn in school,

Oh why do they hunt my mind
Oh why do the rob me blind
Of wishful dreams I once had
Of inner peace I desperately desire
Of trust.

Words without meanings to you,
Sentences without sense to me:
I love you
I need you
I want you
I want to feel you
Passionate to one
Meaningless to another
Sentences that broke
the bridges of trust
and carved into the gray cells
Forever

Leave me alone
Splatter my brain
I am insane
The grid, the web
Consumes my breath
and it seems impossible to regain
The sanity, the comfort, the reliance, the innocence
I am insane.

Ah you tainted memories,
Leave me alone at nights,
Let me sleep in peace,
Let me live and hope
for a possible world
without liars
without deceit
without mistrust

A world that I can love again.
Without fear, is there love at all?
Without hope, is there love at all?
Without feelings, is there love at all?
Without fantasies, is there love at all?

Payman Abdali