when senses are agitated
when nothing is what it seems
when everything is tested
and failed
I get agitated
on the edge
I am disturbed
I lay next to you
I touch you
but these are not my hands
I kiss you
but these are not my lips
I make love to you
but I am a different man
this is not me
I sigh in pain
I am disturbed
There is despair, there is confusion
there is secrecy, there are unspoken words
unread memoirs, secret communication
disturbing constitutions
would getting by these unsettling events
make up an absolution?
to care or not to care
not to feel
is all I feel
I am disturbed
"Forgive and forget" whispers in my ears
"let it go, let it go" ponders in my brain
"leave it behind..
leave it behind" enslaves my will
my body, my soul, my heart, my trust, my hope, my love,
Are all of these, infected used handkerchiefs?
betrayal a normal mischief?
and today.... just another day?
I am disturbed
"it happens all the time" whispers in my ears
"to everyone, it just happens'' dictates into my soul
am I the "every" one? I've lost my goal!
every simple, normal sucker
who accepts, who forgets
who believes that this is just normal
but I am disturbed
"It is not that important"
"not as you think it is,"
"why do you care?"
"You take it too seriously, it is not that serious"
repeats in my brain
I am disturbed
making love to you I only see others with you
not me, I am barely breathing
barely keeping up with the visions of others
making love to you I fade to gray
I fade to black
I fade to infinity
I am disturbed
Where do I go from here?
where do we go from here?
you seem calm
I am disturbed.
